The rustle and cough of the waiting crowd. Rising scales and long low vibrating violin moans as the orchestra readies their instruments.
The footlights cast rotund ghosts on the red velvet curtain. A tremble and murmur of expectation when the lights flicker, then descending darkness.
Welcome to Mister Wonderful’s Erudite Theatre of the Ecstatic, brought to you here tonight in the Twilight Zone Ballroom, a dynamic show of Tanuki-testicle proportions!
(Sponsored in part by Wonderful Laboratories -The Science of Surprise- and a dog named Boo.)
We have returned.
Things are not as they were, but are not yet as they will be. Your secrets are safe with us, and all shall be revealed. Come as you are and go as you will; don't forget to wink at your waiter. And please, if you're going to flash, make sure there is photography.
We require a volunteer from the audience. And another. Yes, you'll do. Do not fear. We are professionals. Now. The rest of you. Please, come up. Come onto the stage. We are all in it together. Yes.
Look, the seats you have left behind are full again. Yet there is always room for one more. This is just the first magic. Now for the second. Think of a query, any query.
Now look into my eyes.
Is this your answer? No? How about this? Oh, look! It was inside your head all along.
Applause. For you. For all of us. The sounds of orgasmic waterfalls ring us and we smile, taking our bows. Hold my hand.
Ask another query. Any query. Trust us. We shall, my partners and I, we shall endeavour to keep the balls in the air and make the scarves and scars disappear.
My name is Mister Wonderful. I am at home again, although my home is always new. You are with me again, although you are always new.
I put on my old white lab coat. I put on Mister Malice's silver-gold ring. I put on Mister Dark's red sunglasses. I smile. I kiss the world.
Let's get into trouble, baby.