Sun, 20 Apr 1997

Dear Mr. Wonderful,

Alfred W. Crosby, in his book Ecological Imperialism: The Biological Expansion of Europe, 900-1900 (Cambridge University Press, 1986) says that

Culture is a system of storing and altering patterns of behavior not in the molecules of the genetic code but in the cells of the brain. (page 14)

I thought a pointy-headed intellectual like yourself would want a chance to respond.

Signed,

Psalm Pringles

P.S. Is it true that I get a free "The Way Wonderful Ought To Be" T-shirt if you answer this letter in your column?

________________________

Dear Crispy,

Alfred W. Crosby...that name takes me back...it was 1922 and we had finally decoded the secret dimensions of the Great Pyramid at Giza. I sat in a bar on the Rue Fromage, sipping a rich french roast and contemplating the best way of getting Fitzgerald's wife into bed, when in rushed the Professor: "Come quickly, young Crosby's been shot!"

"Of course he has," I remember thinking, "I certainly paid enough."

Be that as it may, Crosby wouldn't know a molecule if it bit him after breakfast. Nor has he ever encountered a brain cell, I dare say. All he is saying in his psuedo-intellectual way is that we aren't born knowing which fork to use. Well, duh.

AS ABOVE, SO WONDERFUL

P.S. You have already recieved your Wonderful T-shirt. It is waiting at the bottom of your closet, under the parka, in the year 2005. We apologize for our omnipresence in time and space.

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