Sun, 20 Apr 1997
Dear Mr. Wonderful,
Alfred W. Crosby, in his book Ecological Imperialism: The Biological Expansion of Europe, 900-1900 (Cambridge University Press, 1986) says that
Culture is a system of storing and altering patterns of behavior not in the molecules of the genetic code but in the cells of the brain. (page 14)
I thought a pointy-headed intellectual like yourself would want a chance to respond.
P.S. Is it true that I get a free "The Way Wonderful Ought To Be" T-shirt if you answer this letter in your column?
Alfred W. Crosby...that name takes me back...it was 1922 and we had finally decoded the secret dimensions of the Great Pyramid at Giza. I sat in a bar on the Rue Fromage, sipping a rich french roast and contemplating the best way of getting Fitzgerald's wife into bed, when in rushed the Professor: "Come quickly, young Crosby's been shot!"
"Of course he has," I remember thinking, "I certainly paid enough."
Be that as it may, Crosby wouldn't know a molecule if it bit him after breakfast. Nor has he ever encountered a brain cell, I dare say. All he is saying in his psuedo-intellectual way is that we aren't born knowing which fork to use. Well, duh.
AS ABOVE, SO WONDERFUL
P.S. You have already recieved your Wonderful T-shirt. It is waiting at the bottom of your closet, under the parka, in the year 2005. We apologize for our omnipresence in time and space.