Mon, 23 Mar 1998
That's it folks. The gloves are off, the masks are on, the chips are down and the jig is up! After weeks of indecision and worrying, Misters Dark, Malice and Wonderful, have come to an agreement. Wonderful feels strong enough, Dark is disgusted enough and Malice is bored enough. Whichever of us is most "suited" to answering will take the query. So please, keep them coming.
Speaking of our favorite paper-pulper here's a slurry of queries from JUST WONDERING himself:
1. Will Mr. Malice answer queries?
M: If I can be fucking bothered.
W: There you go.
2. Has Mr. W eaten through his gag yet?
It's not like that at all. There were just certain... conditions necessary for his return. Suffice to say, they have been fulfilled, and we're all the better for it.
3. What is the most important discovery of the last 50 years?
W: The Super Big Gulp.
M: Furry nipple clamps.
4. Did Mssrs. D and M study under Dr. Evil? Dr. Faust? Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard? (slipped out, sorry)
Misters Dark and Malice studied under their father, although they are not brothers. Do not worry about it.
5. Will the Triple Misters (I see a rock band) have an Oscar Party?
Unfortunately, we no longer have the proper acquaintances for such a shindig. Add to that the fact that we do not care who Leonardo DiCappucino goes down on, and you can see why we will be doing research that night.
6. As in the JLA "Combat Matches" Where Batman Wipes everyone, please explain to me the Final Victor of the Winnie the Pooh Battle Royale.
Kanga takes out Roo, suffocating him in her pouch. Tigger takes out Kanga, being able to bounce higher and come down harder (bottom made out of spring). Eeyore takes out Tigger by sheer force of depression. Pooh takes out Eeyore by strangling him with that red vest. Rabbit freaks out like Charles Manson on PCP and takes out Pooh. Owl, wisely hanging back, pecks the eyes out of Rabbit. Then Piglet steps up with his Walther PPK.
7. Any truth to the rumor that Dark & Malice were behind the disappearance of ZOOM? What about The Electric Company? Viva Allegre?
Yes. Yes. Sí.
8. What kind of pets do the three of you keep?
D: Cliche as it is, I am surrounded by cats.
M: Legal considerations prevent me from saying.
JUST Wondering, cause that's what I do.
Just answering, cause we're able to.