Tue, 04 Feb 2003

Dear Mr. Wonderful,

Why are all state license plates migrating to blue lettering on a white background? What's wrong with individualism?

Yours truly,

The State Penitentiary


Dear Joliet Jake,

Okay. That's it. Now I really think you're making this up.

Excuse me for asking, but where did you get your information? Is there any context for this at all? Any proof of this vast governmental blue-on-white embossing trend? Did you read it in a magazine? Did you yourself conduct a state-by-state survey, or do you perhaps work in a chop shop forging plates, or hey, hey... are you from the future?

It'd be cool if you were from the future. That would also explain your unorthodox use of the word "migrating."

In the future, all words will be optional. Yes. Know why? Because we'll mainly be communicating through smells - like ants. Be smart. Take some time now to stock up on Wonderful Labs Brand FAIRY MOAN body spray - "It Speaks With Forked Tongue."

Anyway. Point is. "Individualism" is a doctrine that emphasizes the interests of the individual over those of the state. It doesn't indicate that states should differentiate, least of all in metalwork. Is this more of your futuristic jibba-jabba? If so, that's okay; you probably have a deadly laser gun.

You know who else is from the future? Fabio. Schtum, though. He doesn't want it to get around. Modest. Long-haired, and modest. Long-haired, attractive to birds, and modest. I know, you're saying to yourself, "A modest model? Mister Wonderful, surely you have been swallowing fistfuls of muscle relaxant again." Well, truth is: being a model is just a cover.

Keep this one under your yarmulke - Fabio's here to collect stupidity samples. Much like Bruce Willis in 12 Monkeys, Fabio has come back through time to discover the origins of the virulent strain of stupidity that has nearly wiped out the human race in his home era. Truth is, he didn't think he was having much luck until 2000 rolled around.

But forget I told you that or you'll get paradox all over everything.

WONDERFUL LABS - Nothing But Blues Guys From Now On.