Mon, 09 Nov 1998

Mr Wonderful,

My big brother can kick your ass.

What I want to know is who would win if Mr. Malice and Mr. Dark were in a scuffle. How bout if all three of you were in a grudge match? What would happen then? Who would win?

Little Timmy

p.s. My big brother could kick your ass.


Dear Askin' For It,

Your big brother probably could kick my ass. Of course, when his wife was kidnapped, his power turned off, his dog crucified on the front lawn, his credit ruined, his health care revoked retroactively, his files raided, his pot stash discovered by angry FTA agents, his affairs exposed, his childhood home burned to the ground, his CD's scratched, his coffee mugs shattered, his baseball team sold to Topeka, his favorite nightclub turned into a nuclear waste dump, and he was irrevocably cut off from his god, he might regret it.

What if Mister Dark and Mister Malice were in a soufflé? That'd be some baker's wet dream.

Misters D and M would never deign to fight, but if they did, Dark would would be at an advantage. Mister Malice's special talent is breaking hearts and Mister Dark just doesn't have one.

As far as we three are concerned: Dark would strike first, with bitterness and venom. Malice would respond with freezing spite and disdain. I would stand fifty yards away and blow up the building.