Sun, 11 Jan 2004

Dear Mister Wonderful,

My European friends are starting to make fun of me because the president of the USA is such an idiot. What is the polite response, socially, in such a situation?

Yours Sincerely,

Barbara Boxer

Democrat, California


Dear Mrs. J.Q. Adams,

As my time-traveling mentor, Rufus, used to say, "When you've killed one president, you've killed them all, and set up an irreconcilable time vortex that swallows the innocent and guilty alike in a cruel vortex of time that is incredibly cruel, and don't you forget it."

Rufus wasn't good with math, but he knew his way around a massage parlor and that's what counted in ancient Mongolia.

That's what counts in modern Mongolia, too, but you didn't hear it from me.

When one is confronted with people from Denmark who think that they are superior to Americans, one should reply: "Hans Christian Anderson diddled mermaids." There's nothing political about that, but I owe Mark Twain a favor.

What one must remember is that the President is not a king. He is not the earthly presence of the divine essence of the country. He has no spiritual component. He is one third of a tripartite secular governance with no significance save what you choose to import to him. Hoo! Ha! APE LAW!

The polite response, as always, is "Don't ask me. I voted for Pogo."

WONDERFUL LABS - That'll Be The Day When I Cry Havoc And Let Slip Again Like We Did Last Summer, Like We Did Last Year

Mister Wonderful Recommends: Getting a decent agent for Chow Yun-Fat and making him the next James Bond. O Yes. I would negotiate for Batman as well. Frankie Muniz could be his Robin. I am terribly serious about this, and will unleash the full power of Mister Dark if anyone thinks it will help.