Mon, 23 Nov 1998

Dear Mr. Wonderful,

We've all been hearing you sing the praises of Salma for a long time now, but for the benefit of those of us who are foolish enough to take an occasional interest in the half of our species which sports penises: Who's the sexiest man in the Wonderful ledgers?

--Janis Jackson

Greely, Nebraska


Dear Germaine Greer,

What, you mean aside from the smiling devil I see in the mirror?

Let's see... if we let dead guys into the race it'd be a tough call between Steve "Fuckin'" McQueen and Cary Grant. Real men's men. But the King to Salma's Queen should be someone whose lap she can sit in on the throne, not rotting old corpses.

We're looking for someone with talent, brains, looks, powerful thighs, and an accent of some sort. Hmmmm, Ewan, Antonio, John, Johnny, Jude, Gary, Andy, Kenneth, Tim, Fabio...? No, I have it.

Chow Yun Fat is the man. Like there was even a contest.