Wed, 02 Jun 2004

Dear Mister Wonderful,

How does one prove, a-priori, that one is not a liar, when so accused?


Harcourt Fenton Mudd, III


Dear Fire Pants,

Wait, wait... I know this one... you ask the guy in front of the tiger which path the other guy would choose, right? And then you make sure to go the opposite way. Or is it the other way 'round? Hold on. No. First you go down the path, then you ask the cannibal what he would answer, if the other guy were him, and if he says, "This door," then you know he's telling the truth. And therefore cannot be trusted.

My absolute favorite thing about logic problems is that Lewis Carroll once designed one about pork chops. That's an actual true fact, which I expect exactly no one will believe... not after all these years of moon-induced conspiracy tales and extra-dimensional elf explanations. O well.

And that brings us back to your query in a rather meta way that I hadn't intended, but there it is. How does old Mister Wonderful convince the public of his essentially truthful nature?

First off, I must tell you that science now indicates men who lie lose a quarter-inch off their erect penis length, every single year. Something to do with stress, I think. Now take a look at these police file photos and you tell me: Am I telling the truth, or was I the source of the Loch Ness Monster legend, back in the day?

I think the answer is obvious. These are really photos from an accident scene, where semi truck carrying Slinkies collided with an Animal Rescue van full of pythons. But I think I've made my point.

By the by, women who lie just get skinnier. It's not fair, but that's the world we have.

WONDERFUL LABS - Our Phasers Are Set To "Love"