Fri, 27 Aug 1999

Dear Mr. Wonderful:

Why is it socially acceptable for Jamba Juice to offer you products which include white, powdery uppers and straws, but buying and consuming street varieties with the same ideologies (feeling good, feeling up, feeling more productive...for a spell) is illegal and punishable by severe prison terms, where, <sniff> upon admittance, scofflaws of all ages, races, and inclinations of any sort would violate you in ways only seen in "American Me," "Cell Block Sisters," and other cinematic works that encompass the truth behind the lives of inmates living their Bacchanalian lives <sniff> along the underbelly of a society that no longer cares about anything other than greased pectoral muscles and keeping the weak weak?

Thank you.



Dear G.W.,

I think you would have trouble defending "Bacchanalian" as a description of prison life. Especially to Bacchus.

In any case, this sort of hypocrisy/social injustice/pig-headedness is not uncommon. Nor is it easily explained, unless you are willing to dismiss all sorts of economic, historical and social factors including Christianity, fear of outsiders, racism, imperialism, Jewish purity laws, poor education, great propaganda and inability to grasp analogies.

Fortunately, I am.

Mister Wonderful's current favorite theory runs like this: Scientific Determinism holds that everything in the Universe is made of tiny particles in motion, which motion is governed by a few simple laws. If you know where every particle is at any given point in time, you can use the laws to determine where they will be after X amount of time. Since the position of every single particle can be predicted and we are all made up of those particles, we can be predicted. The interesting bit is when you try to do the predictions. At the very least, you have to have a list of every particle and where it is. This list will take up space. In fact, even if the information on each particle was written as small as that particle, the list would be exactly as big as the universe. The only way to run a computer prediction on all the particles in the universe is to keep the information outside the universe, in effect creating another universe running a few seconds ahead of yours. I like to think that we exist inside that Computer Prediction Universe; moreover, a cat has wandered into the room and begun walking on the keyboard.

As you can see, the beauty of this theory is that it explains so much.