Tue, 01 Apr 2003

Dear Wonderbuns,

What is the origin of a piggy bank? Why a pig (aside from the obvious symbol of greed/gluttony)? What would you use instead?


The Big Bad Wolf


Dear Blow Hard,

The piggy bank began as tribute to U.S. President William Howard Taft, one of the first American leaders to swallow half-dollars whole.

What sort of vessel would Mister Wonderful use to collect spare change, aside from an old mason jar on the bookshelf? My first instinct is towards a sort-of "toolbox bank," to remind people that money shouldn't be an end in itself. But in the end, I believe my personal Pharaoh's Tomb of gimcrackery demands something more along the lines of a heart-shaped bank. Only put your money in your heart's desires, that's what that says.

Or, it says that cash is the metaphorical equivalent of cholesterol. Take your pick.

Pigs, I should mention, only acquired their "greedy" stereotype after the fall of the Berlin Windmill. Gorbachicken and the other progressive Two-Legs sought to reform the Soviet Farm with Grassnost and Bearstroika, but after hardline pigs failed to sustain their 1991 coup, the Commonwealth of Independent Farms arose. All the long simmering resentments against pigs were then unleashed, along with some rather rude stories about housing conditions.

That's the second Orwell reference this week and it's only Tuesday morning. What does that tell you, Mr. and Mrs. USA?

It tells me that I haven't done a book report since 8th grade.

No matter. I've still done plenty of reading since. Well, turning pages. Be honest: holding up pages. With one hand. But I want to assure the doctoral committee that I saw the movies. On fast-forward, mostly. Through the dialogue. You know. Anyway. Point is. I have my own Laboratory.

WONDERFUL LABS - Like A Ham And Super-Genius Sandwich Without The Bread. Or Ham.