Tue, 01 May 2001

dear mr. wonderful,

do lovebirds have eyelashes? if so, are their lashes made of feather?




Dear Scrummy,

Mister Wonderful once knew a dominatrix in Prague who had lashes ma–... oh, wait. "Feather". Sorry. My mistake.

Mister Wonderful once knew a dominatrix in San Francisco who had lashes made of feather. And, not so oddly, fashions made of leather. Her specialty was Sado-Linguistism, or Tongue Fu: "Dark like a bog for me! Dark like a bog! I'm hocking you like a watch! On your bees niche!"

And after about four hours of that I'd shake a tower and go home.

Lovebirds do not have eyelashes. In fact, birds don't even have eyes. They "see" through their nostrils, using a sort of "odorlocation". You know, like bats. What we think are their eyes are actually diamond gumdrops used as currency in the happy valley of Kthunga.

Hold on a second. Wrong dimension. Lose my own head if it wasn't for all the extra ones lying around. If this is Tuesday, it must be Earth Prime. Terribly sorry. Your birds do have eyes. But still no lashes. Lashes are to clear dust away from the eye and birds instead eat dust with their pupils.