Mon, 10 Feb 2003

Dear Mister Wonderful,

How is it that squinting actually improves ones vision?

If it doesn't actually, why do people do it anyway?

Your friend,

E

F T

P L D

M F T Z

......................

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Dear Chart Ruse,

People, as you well know, do stuff because they can. Efficacy is hardly ever a concern. Lick the screen all you like, Salma Hayek is not going to send you a Valentine.

But, to the point: If you squint, there's less to see. With less to compute, the vision center of your brain can process the information more efficiently, resulting in a picture that's far more clear.

Believe that? There are also pixies in your irises that enjoy the stroking of your eyelids and reward you with clarifying fairy dust. Yes.

You know who hates fairies? Steven Seagal. And yet he squints all the time. Can you smell the closet-kwon-do? Then there's Clint Eastwood. Another big squinter. "Any which way but loose," my ass. He's looser than Angelina Jolie at a lumberjack convention.

Anyway. Point is. You shouldn't believe everything you read. Nor should you read everything you can see. Particularly if there's a chance Mister Wonderful could get sued over it.

WONDERFUL LABS - The Further Adventures of Goofus and Gommorah

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