Mon, 03 Jun 2002
Dear Answer Man,
Does José Canseco deserve to be a Hall of Famer?
Dear Green Monster,
Cooperstown? For what? Some broke-down commie quitter? Some layabout ball basher who can't tell the difference between his glove and his skull? Some shaky pile of stats with no soul or substance? Some cheapo sham with a slicked up marketing campaign designed for college kids who like food coloring in their hooch.... whoah, whoah, whoah, there, Mister Wonderful. Wrong José. Reign it in.
This isn't the 90's; you can't start drinking gin at noon, spoon up a cup of yogurt and ecstasy, shoot out the lights, and start sharing your vision of reality with the masses anymore. Not if you want to sell more tile coasters at [old web store redacted] where shipping is free until Father's Day!
Wonderful Labs brand Merchandise: It's Surreal Good Deal.
Anyway, yeah, baseball. Mister Wonderful thinks it would be a crime to let Canseco into the Hall of Fame, particularly since, even given his remarkable one-man performance against the Gas House Gorillas, Bugs Bunny has been denied his Cooperstown laurels due to his years of unrepentant cross-dressing.