Fri, 06 Oct 2000
Dear Mr Wonderful,
If humans are made up of ~90% water, why do we need to use moisturizer?
Dear Wally Gator,
Humans are also made up of atoms, which are >99.999% empty space - yet only some of the people you know are called airheads. Hmmmm.
Truly, the universe is a strange, treacherous place fraught with mystery and violence. Here at the Labs, we call it job security.
Mister Wonderful has previously weighed in on the suspicious claims made about Water in the popular press ("INSOMNIWONDER" 11/17/99). He thinks they're bunk and should be stricken from the record. Not just stricken - stricken twice, smacked in the face with a wet otter, stripped to the waist, slathered in butter, grilled lightly on both sides, wrapped in rice and seaweed... hang on. Wrong notes.
Okay, okay, okay. Water, see, evaporates. To remain moist, you need emollients. Would you believe that that is spelled right? I get my fatty softening agents confused a lot. I bet you do, too. Where was I? Oh yeah, complex skin, water dissipates, intricate chains hold moisture better, web of life, ultraviolet light, become a vampire, blah, blah, blah.
Point is, people may be mostly water - that doesn't make them wet.