Thu, 25 Feb 1999

Mister Wonderful,

I've always had the impression that flying kites is a meditative philosophical activity that joins you with the nature of wind. Today my friends and I spent the better part of the afternoon running with bits of string attached to paper origami-like objects. What happened was that we tangled string and kicked up a lot of dust dragging kites along the ground. Is there a trick? Are we inept or is it all just a lie expounded by taoist monks gone bad?


Mary Poppins we're Not


Dear Charlie Brown,

Hey, smell this Taoist monk. I think he's gone bad.

There is a trick to kite flying: First, pick a card, any card. Don't show it to me. Now put it back in the deck. Okay. Hold onto this string. Whoops! I should have mentioned the possibility of electrocution. Still, is this your card? Is this your wallet? Thanks.

Other than that, kites are pretty useless and you should avoid them like you avoid phrenology, foot-binding, butter churns, blood-letting, kings, and other useless technologies of bygone eras.