Mon, 17 Nov 2003

Dear Mr. Wonderful,

How come big people/animals usually have deep voices (but sometimes not) and little people/animals have high voices (or sometimes not)? And how come a lot of gymnasts have high voices? Is it because they're small, or that they're made out of helium? Just kidding on the last one. Answer my first question please and don't go off on a helium tangent or I will consult Mr. Dark.

Thank you,



Dear Farinelli,

So... you're saying that the big ones go deep? That's no surprise around Wonderful Labs.

In answer to your query, however - Gymnasts and other tiny objects predicted by Sir Isaac Newton have high-pitched voices because of the Doppler Effect. The sound waves they create are compressed by their minuscule throats and thus go counter-clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere... causing hurricanes over Greenland. Which, I don't know if you know, is actually Red (because of all the people desperately moving away from it).

That joke kills at Physics Department picnics, okay?

All Mister Wonderful knows is that you should never trust a seven-foot-tall Mormon with a wig who calls himself Lucy; no matter how sweetly he sings those sad old songs from your childhood. You're so damn right to say that the deep ones are only sometimes large. Then again, sometimes the Deep Ones are just shadows over Innsmouth.

That joke kills at Miskatonic University convocations, but only by driving one beyond the mountains of madness.

WONDERFUL LABS - Inventors Of The Heat-Sensitive Mood Underwear - Blue Means Go!