Fri, 25 Apr 1997
Dear Mr. Wonderful,
How are coincidences made?
When does a coincidence exceed the boundaries of acceptability?
What does it mean for something to be more than a coincidence, and what is it if it does?
And lastly, is the dispute surrounding Lincoln's and Kennedy's assassinations a coincidence or is it something more?
What do you think...(X-Files theme plays in the background)
Dear Mrs. Ruby,
I presume that by coincidence you mean an unlikely connexion between ostensibly unrelated events. If that is not what you mean, please take a number and wait at the back of the line.
1. Coincidences are made by elves in the dead of winter. If you an ask an elf about this, they will deny it. They will possibly even deny being elves. DO NOT RELENT! Keep asking until you are captured and brought to the elf factory, where more answers await.
2. When does a who what? I'm sorry, I need another drink...ah yes. A coincidence is too much when Lyndon LaRouche shakes his head at it.
3. Something is more than a coincidence if it is two coincidences. 10 Synchronicities = 1 Coincidence, 4 Coincidences = 1 Sumbitch. It means you are halfway to a Sumbitch.
4. The Kennedy-Lincoln Mystery is easily solved when you realize both men had the same father.