Mon, 21 Feb 2000

Dear Mr Wonderful,

Valentine's Day coming up and all, I was just wondering:

Where does "love" come from? Who invented it -- or was it discovered? What is YOUR definition of it? What is your FAVORITE definition of it? What is its worth? Does it come in discreet packets, or is it a smooth, integrable function? What colors does it come in? What's the approximate merchandising value, and is there an IPO available that I can purchase with my 2000 IRA money?

Yours Truly

Silent M


Dear John Q. Pid,

Better late than never...

You don't half ask the tough queries, do you, boy? I mean, this is like my final exam in Tibet: "Please summarize Everything". Luckily, I was higher than a kangaroo with a rocket pack that whole semester. In fact, I'm going to ask Brandon the well-dressed data entry boy to make me a cocktail right now.

Mister Wonderful's favorite conventional explanation for Love is that it is a virus. Symptoms come on strong the first few weeks of infection, but lessen as the body's natural defenses fight the intruder. This, of course, only explains romantic love, which is not the force we're interested in. Not by a long chalk.

Okay. Love. Love. Well, it's... guh. It's bigger than big, all right? It's bigger than an emotion, bigger than the hiccup in Buddy Holly's vocals, bigger than conventional physics, bigger than guns, louder than bombs, stranger than a dead man's laugh, incomprehensible like a blue mystery, faster than sex, stronger than passing time, more eternal than diamonds, more complex than Nth dimensional porno-chess, awful, incessant, overwhelming, binding and extreme. There. Happy?

You scientists looking for the forces that hold the Universe together, the GUT, the "dark matter", the unseen hand that directs mathematics... you're looking in the wrong direction. Love is the Law.