Wed, 03 Jul 2002

Dear Wonderful,

I have just read a article on how the FBI and INS are "rounding up" Pakistani nationals who run jewelry kiosks in Northeast shopping malls. The agencies claim a possible connection between these businesses and terrorist organizations. My question to you is: Is the U.S. going far enough? Why not bring back internment camps? Take these non-citizens and place them in a central location for their own "protection". Give them jobs... like cleaning out the giant pizza ovens that would just happen to be located nearby. They could take group showers... it would be a gas for them.


U. Jen Nix


Dear Fritz Kafka,

Well, it's as I was saying to Roosevelt over Pink Ladies that weekend in Panama: "Frannie," I said, "those who doom history repeat their forgetfulness." He knew what I meant. For was it not Benjamin Franklin who warned that "We must all hang together, or most assuredly Mrs. Jefferson will be very cross with us for taking up her washing line." Indeed. Strong words from the past, and yet still difficult to fit on a bumper sticker.

What would the Rail Splitter have done? That's what I'd like to know. We're up to our ears in rails around here and the kid down the street is too busy playing Zero-G Boob Gun on the Playstation2 to come help. And it's not like we wouldn't pay him; I know that last time he wandered to the south end of the compound and Mister Dark trapped him in a cat for several months, but still, it's a learning experience. A penny saved is a hundredth of a dollar, as my old Jeet Kune Do master used to say, and he was mute.

I love politics.

When you want all the paranoia and absurdity of a David Lynch film without any of the confusing naked women, you can't do better than the national political press. The marvelous bit is how they all keep straight faces. Can't take too much of it myself, though, or my cheeks start to ache.

The final joke here is left as an exercise for the reader.