Mon, 10 Dec 2001

Dear Mr. Wonderful,

What are nipples?



Dear Test Tube Tess,

You mean, other than being the gods' way of thanking me for a job well done?

I don't know... seems like we're going to have to do a lot of research on this one. Really come to grips with it. Sink our teeth in. Suck it up. Put our noses to the grindstone, our shoulders to the wheel, and the pedal to the metal. Umm, scratch that last bit. Work hard and expose the truth. There, that's better.

The nipple is your first, best friend. It's the original Cornucopia. It's the Fountain of Youth and the Holy Grail. All prurience aside, really, without nipples most of us wouldn’t be here, and not many would have ever known safety and happiness in this cold, cold world. Nipples are God.

Prurience included, the nipple is the delightful hotspot of the chest. Without it, all you've got is misplaced ass fat. A nipple is a beauty mark, a focus for attention, a bullseye, a red button, a trigger. The nipple is what makes the chest a dessert rather than a double-helping of tofu. Nipples are the string section of sex.

Play 'em if you doubt me.