Wed, 19 Jan 2000

Double You:

I recently saw the movie Dogma, and it has provoked much discussion among my friends and me.

Chris Rock's character claims not only that he is the 13th, and only Black, apostle, but that Jesus himself was Black. This seems a reasonable premise -- Malcom X convincingly argued a similar theory.

My question is, assuming Mr. Rock's statement to be true, where did the dozen white apostles come from? Special import from Germany?


Dominum Natum.


Dear Video Novum,

You know, Mister Wonderful first attempted to answer this query by explaining exactly where Kevin Smith got each of "his" "ideas" for the film Dogma (going so far as to cite the specific comic book issues and panels), but I wound up getting so angry and frustrated that I needed to have a bathtub-sized Mai-Tai and a Swedish back rub before finishing the first paragraph. Keep up the good work, Kev!

I don't know where the white guys would come from. It's not my crazy quilt theology. I don't say contradictory things just to sound big and clever. I work out my ideas. Sure, I sometimes forget ideas I had worked out previously, but that's okay because the most important thing we learned at school was "Deny, Deny, Deny". This just isn't my problem!

Oh, fine. The twelve white disciples were time-traveling record executives who wanted to cash in on the ultimate youth act (the reasoning being: Rock and Roll = Blues = Gospel = Spirituals, ergo the cat with the most spirit will dampen panties like nobody's business) by convincing Jesus and Rufus to get a horn section, lose the preachy stuff and tour the whole of the Roman Empire as "Johnny Mozart and The Jews".