Sat, 06 Jul 2002

dear abbey,

ah, i mean mister wonderful,

what do you think george washington said during sex?


"too drunk to think about it"


Dear Old Hickory,

He told me to stop joking around and put his teeth back in.

No! That's a lie, if ever I heard one. And believe me, "Don't worry, send for a couple serving girls; Martha won't be back from Boston for days," was a lie. Well, it's all water under his bridge now, I suppose.

I don't see what Mrs. Washington was so upset about, anyway. What do you think kept the troops warm through the long winter at Valley Forge? Jersey girls, that's what. And what was she doing throughout the Revolution? According to Thomas Paine, it was Ben Franklin's "Poore Regina's Comfort Devise."

Let he who is without sin chop the first cherry, that's what I say.

Seriously now: George Washington, like many of the Founding Fathers, found himself inarticulate during the act of love. A lot of grunting and "By thunder!" and not much of the oratory that history records. A curious feature of General Washington's verbal ejaculations, however, is that due to an accident of history and the strong feelings British colonials, even rebels, had for their King, he quite often found himself shouting his Christian name during orgasm.