Mon, 22 Dec 2003

Dear Mr. Wonderful,

I keep having nightmares where I'm moments too late to save someone or something. Last night, I dreamt I was eating a pleasant lunch in a shack on docks somewhere in Asia, when some fisherman hauled an endangered species of whale onto the dock. I ran to save the whale but the fishermen shot it just before I got there (and they nearly shot me, too). I'm having these dreams almost every night. What does it mean?

Ever yours,



Dear Rime of the Ancient Marinade,

That's funny, I keep having dreams where I'm laying on a bed of rice while fifty-foot tall geishas drizzle teriyaki sauce over my nipples. Just as I manage to gnaw through the seaweed ropes that bind me I am awakened by human voices and realize that I cannot tell whether I am a sage who dreamt he was a whale or a regular guy who needs to lay off the second helping of spicy fried dumplings and eggnog at bedtime.

And it's so hard to get to the gym around the holidays, don't you find? Mainly because it's embarrassing to look in the locker room mirror and realize you are now shaped exactly like a raw turkey.

Your dreams may indicate that you are taking on too much responsibility. Yes, we are all God and no man is an island, but jeez louise. Give it a rest. Take a break. The Universe is Love and takes care of her own. When you get an assignment from Karma Central you'll know it, because it will be suited to you, unique you, and will be specific to your talent. Spiteful demons like to make you feel small by telling you you're so big that you should be out there taking care of Every Damn Thing. It's a twisty trap, so it is.

Then again, your visions could mean that it's time for you to come around the Labs for a Mu Shu Eggnog Party. Believe me, a couple nights in the Hookah Room and you won't remember any bad dreams, or even if you still possess a head.

WONDERFUL LABS - Lab Coats So Tight You Can See Our Mistletoe