Date: Fri, 28 Mar 2003

Dear Mister Wonderful,

Why can't you re-use coffee grounds?

Your humble fan,

The Sleepy Recycler


Dear Do Juan Juan,

Well, you can... it just means your coffee will taste like it's already been through the cat.

And believe me: Mister Dark's feline companions have seen to it that I know of what I speak. Those little furry dickens are constantly stealing into the kitchens on tiny cats' feet to take the used grounds out of the French press, dry them out, and put them back in the freezer.

I wouldn't mind, except that Mister Malice is often "King Grumplestein" in the mornings; piss-poor coffee moves him to release the polar bears.

You may wonder, however, why coffee loses its darkhot jetfuel excellence after only one pass with the excited molecular trio of H2 and O. Why does it give up the caffeine ghost so easily? Is it the condom of the hot beverage world - a one-use pony, designed for obsolescence by Colombian genetic scientists intent on marketing the Trojan Espresso, "Thirty Seconds of Steam is All She Needs"? Most likely not. But we can dream.

Actually, we can't. I don't know about you, but I haven't slept since Ash Wednesday and the blue gremlins keep darting behind the rhododendrons when I try to point them out to Miss Yakamoto. Clearly, Nature cares for her children. If coffee never lost its potency then I'd never run out and hence the authorities would have no choice but to send in the planes to get me and my bride off the Empire State Building.

WONDERFUL LABS - We May Be Fictional Surrealist Liars, But At Least We're Not Fucking Insane