Date: Mon, 10 Mar 2003

Dear Wonderful,

How do people know what key to sing in at birthday parties?


Joe Cocker


Dear John Belushi,

I don't suppose you'd be willing to share any of the entertaining drugs you're on, would you? I'd be doing my own research on your query, only it's just this darned court thing keeping me fifty yards away from any gathering of children...

Well, be fair. The cops said they'd only have cause to actually arrest me if I did it with the costume on.

My friend, companion, dear sir, bubeleh, amigo, kemosabe, good man, chum, listen: people don't sing in key at birthday parties. Certainly not in the same key. Your query is based on an invalid premise. Kids don't care and adults are too drunk.

If I might ask, what parties are you going to? The Vienna Boys Choir Goodbye Yellow Brick Balls Fiesta? Speaking of Vienna, have I mentioned that the cops there have banned me from riding in any vehicles and from walking on the streets? Nice little paradox. I've got them, though; nowadays I always travel Austria disguised as a helium balloon.

I used to do that in France, but I couldn't stand being chased by all the kids. And it's really tough to float when one is weighed down with so much irony.

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