Date: Sun, 27 Jun 2004
Does it mean that the Father Time is creeping up on me as all of my boyhood heroes pass away?
Alex P. Keaton
Dear Mordant McFly,
OH MY GOD! Has the last saintly rose of goodness fallen? Is the final sign of Ragnarok upon us? IS RUTH BUZZI DEAD?!
You know what the trouble with your boyhood heroes is? They weren't fictional, like mine. A good fictional hero can tumble down a waterfall, or dive into a flaming volcano, or stumble into a chamber flooded with radiation, and they're still gonna be there for you in the next chapter. Or at least if you hit the rewind button. Trust not in meat, friend. Meat goes bad.
Plus, your fictional heroes can teach you how to get along with your imaginary friends. Until they leave you. Tied up behind a shed. With honey in your hair and goat musk incense burning.
Without saying too much more about Mister Wonderful's "childhood," let me assure you that Father Time does not creep. He has the deliberate iron pace of a career drunkard moving towards his car, keys already in hand, past a line of cross-armed cops at last call. In truth, barely controlled, moving forward ever so slightly faster in hopes that momentum will cover the inevitable wavery shakes or swerves that could send a giant farming instrument through the universe's skull.
That's what Father Time's doing. Death's just giving you a wake-up call.