Date: Thu, 26 Sep 2002
Who's your favorite Super Villain and why?
Legion of Doom
Dear Poison Pen,
What, you mean aside from those two jerks running the gift shop?
Not that Mister Dark and Mister Malice are truly villains, ha ha. No, they're good lads. Good lads that are in the Lab with me even now! Ho! Ho! Yes. Completely innocent gentlemen of the world. Standing silently here and doing that tricky crystal ball rolling thing David Bowie does in Labyrinth. With beakers of sulfuric acid. Over my genitals.
So anyway: Gorilla Grodd, Green Goblin and Galactus walk into a bar.
"Jesus God!" says Grodd. "Another one gone!"
Green Goblin looks up at Galactus: "Will you please wait in the car?"
That was a joke for Bertie, my fig-brained nephew with the funnybooks, and his pals Neddy, Robert, and Jill. Keep those cards coming, kids. I've almost got enough to play auction pinochle.
The problem here is, really, that while this world hosts a surfeit of villains, hardly any of them are really super. I mean, they're bad guys, but none of them are super-bad. It's a matter of style. Take the Joker: the Joker put a lot of love into his tussles with Batman, you could tell. Love, and blood. Buckets and buckets of human blood.
Mister Wonderful will always have a soft spot for Superman's old foe, General Zod, and not just because of his vinyl trousers. It's more because I know that, if I had the power to fly and shoot beams out of my eyes and crush buildings as Zod did after arriving on Earth, like him I'd still make it my priority to hang out with a groovy chick and have someone else do the heavy lifting.