Date: Tue, 14 May 2002

Dear Mr. Wonderful,

May I photograph your house?



Dear Fannie Leibovitz,

Only if you have a wide-angle lens, baby.

Oh! Sorry. House. I thought you were... never mind. Thinking of something else. Ummm, let me... ah, go fetch my labcoat. Yes. Getting a bit chilly.

Stately Wonderful Manor stands high on a hill in the center of a walled compound that overlooks The Village. It is open to the public every alternate Wednesday and on imaginary Sundays, but flash photography is not allowed. Which is just as well. The human mind often recoils from the eschergates and other architectural anomalies used to disguise the conveyance to the underground Laboratories. And consider this dismaying observation: this chamber has no windows, and no doors. Which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! Of course, there's always MY way.......


Which obviously involves heroic doses of mescaline and a scratchy Disney's Haunted Mansion album on the library phonograph. Hmmmm. I know you lift one of these busts and press the button to get to the Wonderpoles, and if that isn't a scandalous sentence I need to retire.

Don't despair, though. A wink and a bribe may get you somewhere. Stately Wonderful Manor does occasionally entertain the odd adventurous photo-journalistic soul and just a few years ago we had that write-up in "Bizarre Homes and Gardens." As long as you do not stray to the south end of the compound where Mister Dark and Mister Malice have their Apotheosis Warehouse/Bunker, you should retain your limbs long enough to do some charcoal sketches of the gargoyles scratching at the bay windows.