March 22, 2013m but I don’t believe it

Dear Mister Wonderful,

My wife likes the idea of the bizarre pie fetish fucking.


-Richard Dawson


Dear Jack Horner,

Well, when a Mommy bizarre pie and a Daddy bizarre pie have a gimp mask and love each other very much…

Or wait… did you want me to explain why your wife likes this pastry perversion? Shouldn’t you— I mean, well. Hurm. This sort of thing is why I support federal legislation on mandatory background checks before wedlock.

Dude, your wife is a Keebler Elf. Thought you knew.

Granted, her parents were kicked out of the Tree Org for thought-crimes against Ernie before she was born. Unable to afford a child, they left her at the doorstep of a Hostess bunnery. She was eventually adopted by a kindly couple from the Church of Crust (Lattice Day Saints).

Frankly, you’re lucky. I’m not saying she’s been baking her orgasms all these years, but you probably didn’t de-flour her and won’t somebody stop me before I make another hot crotch pun?

WONDERFUL LABS: Proving Mad Science Ain’t Bad Science Since 1997