July 26, 2012, apparently

Dear Mr. Wonderful,

Do you consider the world to be your oyster? If so, what sauce do you prefer to eat the world with, or are you saucy enough that none is needed?


Dear In-A Gadda De Laurentiis,

While I appreciate your appreciation of my delectable sauciness, I’m sorry to say that you’ve made a very common mistake on the way there. The phrase “the world is my oyster” actually pre-dates the use of oysters as food.

Humans didn’t eat oysters until 1933, when the Great Depression was at its absolute worst. 33% of the country was out of work, and Blind Pickle Johnson recorded the classic blues ballad, “I’m So Hungry I Could Break Open A Rock And Eat The Snot Out Of It”.

They heard that down in old New Orleans and a food sensation was born.

Traditionally, to have the world as your oyster meant that the world was your friend and you could carry it around in your pocket all day, which was another way of saying that you wear tremendously large trousers. And I think we know what that means, don’t we, ladies?

Extra drying time on the clothes line.

If I had to pick a sea creature, though, I’d say the World is my Alaskan King, indeed, Planet-Sized Crab. That’s why I’m down here in my super-secret advanced laboratory, hiding away and dreaming up weapons I can use to defend myself.

WONDERFUL LABS - Get The Truth Before It Gets You